Thoughts on Aging and Moments of Grace

Owls guard the entrance to Herald Square in New York City.   They remind me to be wise and to attend to those things that bring wisdom to my life.

I have been slow to write this week.  I have been impacted by the health decline of my almost 86 year old mother, Donna.  My sisters, brothers-in-law and I all met last weekend to share information on our mother's health and the needs of both parents.  Our 88 year old father, Jim, is the primary caretaker for our mother who has been recently diagnosed with Alzheimer's Dementia.  It is a tough reality for all of us.  I took a trip to Tacoma this week and was able to take our aunt Mary Ann, my mother's only sibling, aged 89, out to dinner.  It was my task to tell her in person and I did.  We sat in stunned silence for a few seconds and then Mary Ann stated that she knows two brilliant people (my mother one of them) who suffered this terrible disease.  She spoke of her friend Jim and my mother. She remembered my mother's fierce bridge playing skills with admiration.  Then she stated that we all get old and die.  We went on to share a wonderful meal with her.  I was so grateful to have spent that time with her and to be able to see her perspective.  She has described herself to me on more than one occasion as fairly unemotional.  I am not sure about that but I think she rides the waves of life more easily than many and certainly more easily than my mother who suffers not only from dementia but also from lifelong anxiety issues.  These anxiety issues are complicating her condition and we are all hopeful that we can help stabilize her decline with some outside help.

I also took a big step in my own aging process this week.  I walked over to the Social Security Office that is just six blocks from my house and found out what I needed to do to sign up for Medicare Part A.  I will be 65 on June 18th and have been inundated with advertisements for Medicare Supplemental plans.  Obviously the world of insurers knows I am turning 65 as well.  Mike turns 65 in August so we are getting a double dose of mail about medicare plans.  Signing up was significantly more simple than I thought and took less time than it did to wait to speak to someone in person.  It was worth the time and the wait was tempered by a conversation I had with another customer who provided comfort and wisdom about living with debilitating illness.  Her husband died of Parkinson's related complications.  She patted my hand, called me "my darling" and told me to take good care.  It was a special moment of time and grace.  I am grateful for all those moments of grace that come as random acts of kindness and compassion.  I believe they are a gift of being open to life.

The Julia butterfly at Desert Botanical Gardens.  Butterflies are such potent symbols of the fragility and beauty of life.

Tomorrow Mike and I are doing the service at our church on Immigration Injustice and I have been reflecting on what I plan to share.  I plan to speak about the women who shared their stories at the Kino Women's Shelter in Nogales, Sonora and how deeply those stories and images of the women settled with me.  I have been thinking about the anxiety I felt before I went to Tucson and embarked on the Immigration Justice journey.  I doubted my ability to be witness to the grim reality that exists for the undocumented immigrants who are desperate to reach our country, to save their families and themselves.  I was changed by the experience and I will always be reminded of the courage and determination that those women showed in the face of incredible danger and odds against their success.  I hold that image as I go through my life and watch the decline of my own parents and remember the death if my daughter and how I have survived as well.

I will return to writing about NYC and my visit there.  I was reminded this morning about an exercise I used to employ when conducting work and family life balance.  It was called the juggler.  Many of us are juggling roles and responsibilities every day and we mostly are fine and skilled with the juggling act.  I know that I am very good at multi-tasking on most days.  When crisis hits it comes often in the form of a box that requires both hands and it is typical that all the balls drop to the ground for awhile as we gently handle the box and what it contains.  It is usually heavy with some kind of weight - physical, emotional, psychical, financial, etc.  This metaphor has helped me and others develop compassion for the complicated business of life and I recalled it this morning and realized that being present in my extended family for the decline of my mother is that box for me right now.  I will settle it gently on some days, but other times, it will need to be carried.

I will end today's somber post with a couple more NYC photos.  One I shared on Facebook but not on this blog.  Mike and I visited Strawberry Fields in Central Park and remembered John Lennon and his beautiful music, witness to many wrongs and his tragic, untimely death.

Remembering John and keeping the spirit of a united world loving in peace.

The night brings counsel, wisdom shared on a plaque in Herald Square as part of the New York Herald.
The publisher was known for his obsession with owls.  If I go back to NYC I will revisit the square.

I am grateful for the reminder that sleep can bring new wisdom.  I wish that for all of you who have been reading and have been remembering hard things that you have faced or are facing.

Be well and imagine.

Thanks for reading.

Thoughts on Leaving Southern California

We head out today from our base in Desert Edge at the Healing Waters Estates.  We were so glad to have this as a long stopover to refresh, renew, make new friends and take stock.  Thanks to Dale for letting us stay in the O'hana.  I am delighted that my friend Marilyn is recovering from her accident and surgeries following her fall from a bicycle.  She is a trooper and a model for moving ahead with purpose and belief in a fully restored body.  She has always been an inspiration to me and her friendship and example of healthy living is a beacon for me. I look forward to returning again next year when I will be on vacation and not working and she will be much more recovered from her injuries.  We did enjoy several wonderful outings with her.  We went twice to her favorite jazz joint, Woody's Burgers, in Palm Springs.  Two nights ago was a birthday gala for Trish Hatley, a chanteuse who plays with Barney McClure on Mondays. Trish hails from Mukilteo Washington.  Barney spent years in Washington State and served in the WA State Senate.  I remember hearing his tunes on KPLU and reading about the way he enlivened Olympia with music when we lived there.  Trish brought in a whole host of amazing friends to sing and play.  There were some older gentlemen who sang and just rocked the place.  I am so drawn to the beautiful baritone voices.  It is no surprise that in a community where streets are named for Frank Sinatra, Dinah Shore, Sammy Davis Junior, Bob Hope and more that there will be enduring talent.

Trish and Barney on piano.  

Another trip Mike and I took with Marilyn was to Sunnylands, the Annenberg family estate that for years has hosted world leaders.  The house has been totally rebuilt and is open by guided tour.  The Visitors Center and Gardens are open to the public in the weekends.  The three of us went for a visit on Sunday.  The gardens are beautiful and very formally designed, all with desert plants.  The Visitors Center was amazing and will be worth a return visit.  We had a delightful lunch outside the cafe.  Many US presidents have held summits at Sunnylands.  The last two years we have been in town, President Obama has been visiting with world leaders there.  A recent visit with the Chinese President Xi Jinping is remembered with a copy a of the redwood bench that President Obama gave him.  Guests are invited to sit on the bench in honor of that visit.  Mike and I warmly remembered our visit to China in the fall of 2013.

Mike and I on the redwood bench at Sunnylands.

I have been using my work time while I have been here to both reflect and look ahead.  I have been reading Trails of Hope and Terror by Rev. Dr.Miguel de la Torre.  Rev. Dr. de la Torre writes from a theological perspective and uses a great deal of testimonials to illustrate the issues.  A documentary by the same name has also been produced that I plan to watch.  The book is very thoughtful and questions the inaction of some of the Christian right on the issue of justice and humanitarianism for the Latino immigrants.  He calls all of us out for being complacent about the conditions that we as a citizenry condone through inaction or ignorance.  He puts a very human face on the people who are engaged as both helpers and border crossers.  It is a very engaging book and has lessons for anyone whether connected to a community of faith or not.

I have also been planning ahead for visits in Tulare County, the Davis/Sacramento area and even New York City!  I am also working with my team of sister faculty members on digesting and authoring articles about our Fortaleciendo Familias program.  We need the results of the follow up evaluations to submit requests for funds for program revisions.  We completed one article and submitted it to a journal last week!  We will begin work on the next data set within the next month.

My writing time is over for today.  Thanks for reading!