65

Just a quick note today.  It is my 65th birthday.  I was born on Father's Day, June 18, 1950, in Omak, Washington.  I honor both my parents, Jim and Donna Daulph, and my three sisters, Dana, Tia and Betsy.  I have heard from my Dad and all three sisters today.  My mother suffers from dementia and has not remembered my birthday for several years.  She never liked to be reminded that her oldest child was aging, probably because it marked her own aging.  She will be 86 on July 1st.

A gorgeous June rose.  I love them and consider them my birthday flower.  I love them in gardens so much more than in a bouquet.  Rose scent is one of my favorites.

One of the gifts of this sabbatical time is having space to reflect on what is next for me and although I am in process with the reality that I have reached an age that was formerly associated with retirement, I am not ready for to let go of my work.  I have been re-energized and have lots of ideas rolling around about where I might take what I have learned on this sabbatical into my work with WSU Extension.  I will not write about that yet because it will be premature.

I am in the process of checking in with wise friends and counselors about some ideas I have and asking if they make sense.  So far, everyone is positive and has had some helpful suggestions and insights.  I look forward to continuing these conversations as I complete the sabbatical and return to the formal workplace.  My journey is also wrapped up in my generation.  I am a baby boomer and I am having lots of fun watching what my fellow boomers are up to as they hit their late 60's.  It is very encouraging to me.  I am probably not a person who will just fade out but will choose to be active for as long as possible.


Yesterday I went to one of my favorite swimming places on Lake Whatcom, Euclid Park, and enjoyed my longest swim of the year there.  Probably a little over a half mile round trip.  No power boats buzzing around and so the water was not as rough as it can be.  There was little wind.  I spotted one of the eagles who frequent the cove roosting in one of the "eagle" trees as I call them.  While I was in the water it flew out across the water and then back into the forest that borders the cove into another favorite tree.  While I was swimming I spotted an osprey in the distance.  Osprey are my favorite birds, so curious and beautiful.  I am obsessed with Explore website that has live cam on an osprey nest in Maine.  I watched three babies grow last year and this year there are two new babies and an unhatched egg.  I wonder what happens to that egg if it does not hatch?  I will be checking in each day to find out.  Explore is a great site, funded by Charles Annenberg Weingarten and his family's foundation.  I love watching the bears in Alaska, the walruses, the elephants, the pandas and more.

To my great delight I moved into the backstroke and just overhead another osprey, a male by the markings, flew right over me.  I could see it looking at me as I looked up at it.  Not the first time this has happened to me by a long shot.  Each time is magical.  The bird was no more than about 75 feet above me.  I watched in fly away into the distance and felt blessed by the visit.

Thanks to Spirit Animals for the picture.

This afternoon, Mike and I will take the darling dogs to the Northshore trail and we will walk and I will swim with them.  Tonight, Ben, Mike and I will go to Keenan's on the Pier for a celebratory dinner!

It feels good to be 65!

As always, thanks for reading.

The Big Apple, aka New York City, Part 3

As I began to write today I thought of the old familiar name for New York City and "Big Apple" immediately came to mind.  I really had no idea where the name came from and what the heck apples have to do with NYC.  The name was popularized in the 1920's by a sports writer for the NY Morning Telegraph.  I used the ever helpful Wikipedia to enlighten me.  In the 1970's the New York City Visitors and Convention Bureau adopted the name in promotional campaigns and it is still in use today.

I was thinking of my own interpretation of apples - healthy, fresh, temptation, red and round, etc.  I think NYC holds all those paradoxes and more in its existence.    I come from the state of Washington where, like New York state, apples are an important agricultural crop.  We love our apples here.  I have three trees in my small yard.  I think that NYC fed  my soul in a way that apples feed my body.  I felt nourished every day I was there.  I look forward to returning some day.

One of the many wonderful experiences that my colleagues at Cornell Cooperative Extension shared with me was an opportunity to meet Dr. Jane Powers, Project Director for ACT (Assets Coming Together) for Youth Center for Excellence (COE) at Cornell University's Bronfenbrenner Center for Translational Research (BCTR).   Jane and I met together to discuss the work of the Bronfenbrenner Center and her work with ACT for Youth.  ACT for Youth COE is funded by the New York State Department of Health to reduce risky sexual behavior and to promote positive outcomes among youth.  Jane's group provides technical assistance, training and evaluation support to seventy-seven grantees across the state.  The work of CUCE-NYC is interwoven with the work of BCTR.  Several of the key leaders of CUCE-NYC are part of the BCTR and several of the staff I met are engaged in the work of the Center.

Jane, Jackie and Drew

Jackie Davis-Manigaulte serves on the executive committee for ACT for Youth COE.  She is the program leader for family and youth development at CUCE-NYC and supervises the the NYC staff who are part of ACT for Youth COE.  Jackie is an amazing woman and resource for both internal and external partners throughout the city and state.  She was busy writing proposals the whole time I was in the office!  I am still in awe of the resources she has helped draw to the work of Cornell in the city and the relevance the programs have for urban youth and families.

It was synchronicity at work when Jane said she needed to come to the city from upstate to visit with providers.  I had expressed a desire to learn more about the work at CUCE-NYC that focused on sexuality education.  What came together was a meeting of providers and CUCE-NYC staff, Jane and me over lunch.  Jane and I met to brainstorm a series of questions and the conversation that took place was really rich for all of us.  Jane made it very clear that the session was not about her monitoring compliance and encouraged all the providers/educators to speak frankly about what was working and where there were issues with the mandated programs.

Front row: Melisa, Drew, Jane, Marisol
Back row: Luis, Eduardo, Michele, Ashwini, Ed, Caroline
CUCE-NYC staff and ACT for Youth COE providers

We decided to focus the conversation on three areas with specific focus on teens and immigrant families.  We asked them to describe both the victories and the barriers they experienced in their work, to share the messages that resonate or that frequently pop-up and any wisdom they could share about engaging parents.  What I share is a summary without mentioning specific names of the speakers.  All of the educators worked either in school based or clinic based settings with teens in Manhattan, the Bronx and Brooklyn boroughs.  

Victories

• We are delivering the programs in their language and they are connecting with the kids.  
• Establishing a trust in the context of a class on sexuality can lead to teen coming to the school health center for a one on one meeting with educator who also works in the clinic.
• The community of youth is owning the program and are embracing the messages because they are using peer educators who are embedded in the community.

Challenges - our discussion evolved around the connection between parents and the families and the disconnect than can happen during the process of the adolescent development.

• Parents feel intimidated by many sources and that feeling intensifies when the child starts to pull away from physical contact.
• Parents are trying to prevent the emotional consequences of being intimate which is challenging because they may not have experienced emotional intimacy themselves.  
• Access to services may be a challenge because of (undocumented) immigration status.
• Kids are raising kids and teens are parenting without much parent involvement.
• Need to make all messages non-shaming for teens and for their parents.
• Healthy and unhealthy relationships are based on what they see.

Messages 

• For parents: Use door openers rather than door slammers (What do you think? Where did you hear about that? vs You are too young.  I'll let you know when you can talk about it (sex).
• Virginity and purity were topics to which the group had a wide range of opinions.  The group consensus seemed to be that splitting hairs over virginity was not productive although the youth do it all the time.  They counter these with the following: Stay Safe, Abstinence, Consent in terms of making an informed choice and decision.  Know the consequences.  Violation of consent or non-consent is wrong.  Challenge the preconceived notions that exist around virginity and purity.
• Teach and use the correct names for body parts and the biological processes associated with sexual development, sexual behavior and reproduction.

Parents - other issues to consider

• Imperative to target parents and to teach them to be transparent and clear about both the biology and body parts.
• Encourage both parents and youth to find healthy and comfortable ways to touch each other and their friends and siblings as the youth age.  Touch is an essential need that kids will seek elsewhere if not satisfied at home.
• Advise parents to start where they are.  Have them think about what advice and teaching they received and what they would like their children to have.
• Reinforce messages through publications in Spanish and that are appropriate for different Latino groups (Puerto Rican, Dominican, Mexican, etc).
• Talk about gender with parents and the roles that they grew up with and how gender is perceived today in their communities.
• Start embracing the family that their role in the development of the youth.  Put sexual development into the context of other things, do not make the discussion about SEX to the exclusion of the other changes the adolescent experiences.
• Educate everyone what it means to "stay safe."  Be aware that parents may have experience as either victims or perpetrators or witnesses of sexual assault and/or domestic violence.

I have many thoughts about this conversation and how I can translate some of this conversation into my own work as return to WSU in July.  I will not share those now.

An irony of this trip for me is the memory of our one and only visit to Times Square.  On one side of the street Disney characters where posing like crazy with an intent to get people to attend the Broadway show featuring Disney themes.  On the other side of the street was the Naked Cowboy and his Indian Princesses.  I rushed by in order to get across the street.  What I did see were two young women, mostly or completely naked, breasts painted with feathers in their hair.  Young adult men were thronging around to have their pictures taken with these women and I am guessing the Naked Cowboy was taking the tips.    What messages did that give to the many folks of all colors, ages, sizes and nationalities who thronged the square that day?  I was not impressed and could not get away fast enough from the side show this created.  If and when I return to the city, I will not go out of my way to visit Times Square.   Mike and I created routes that circumvented that three ring circus after our one encounter.

Life in the Big Apple. 

Thanks for reading.