The Importance of Family

Francisco, almost 3

Eva, aged 1

I visited Oregon last week and stayed with a friend and her family in Corvallis.  My friend, Doris and her husband, Juan Pablo (J.P)., have two young children, Francisco, almost 3 and Evangelina, 1.  Doris is a professor at Western Oregon University and J.P. is a successful winemaker at Silvan Ridge Winery near Eugene.  (I have written more about them in my post on June 19th.) They were very gracious about hosting me at their lovely home in Corvallis.  I enjoyed staying with them and sharing life with them, their darling children and Doris's mother, Doris.  It has been a long time since I have spent time with such young kiddos on a daily basis.  It humbles me to think about the hard work child rearing is.  I returned home exhausted and grateful to know these darling and beloved children!  The circumstances of this family are very different from the families that I read about in the book I will describe.  My week with Doris and J.P. and their family is very similar and very different from the families I have been studying.  The values of familia and respecto were very evident in their home and in the way they are raising their children.  The core values seem to stretch across Latino groups and are present regardless of the circumstances.

I have been struggling with how to write about an amazing book I just finished and have decided not to take the book review approach on the blog.  I was oozing details when I first wrote about the book on this blog and saved it to think about as I traveled back from Oregon.  I will give impressions and save the book review for a different venue.

One of the questions that I asked at the beginning of my sabbatical was how immigration and specifically the status of being undocumented impacted parents and children.  I know there is not a simple answer to that question.  Dr. Rebecca White, faculty with the ASU Latino Resilience Enterprise group, recommended a book to me when I was with her in late March.  I have been reading it and am finally finished.  The book is Immigrants Raising Citizens: Undocumented Parents and Their Young Children by Hirokazu Yoshikawa, Russell Sage Foundation, 2011.  Dr. Yoshikawa is now Courtney Sale Ross Professor of Globalization and Education, Steinhardt School of Culture, Education and Human Development, and University Professor, New York University.  The book is based on longitudinal studies of 380 young children and their parents in New York City.  The children were part of two birth cohorts.  Case studies of seven families informed this book.  The families represented by country of origin are China (1), Dominican Republic (2) and Mexico (4).  Most children were between three and thirty six months and the rest were between ten and thirteen years.  The authors found it was not possible to study young Chinese children immigrants because they were sent to China to stay with relative caregivers, usually grandparents, during the years between birth and 5.  The whole story of how that happens and what the impact is on the parent-child relationship is not part of what I will share.  I highly recommend the book to those who are interested in learning more about the Chinese families.

Skilled field workers visited the families 6-12 times over a six to nine month period.  Visits alternated between structured interviews and participant-observation methods.  The complete methodology is described in the appendix.  

Yoshikawa starts the reader out by describing three mothers on New York City's A Train, famous for the song many of us know.  He describes three of the mothers in the study, one Mexicana, one Dominicana and one Chinese.  Two of the three are undocumented immigrants.  The Dominican mother is documented and the other two are not.  He is able to paint a rich picture of the lives of all three women and the conditions under which they raise their children.  A conceptual model is presented in the first chapter that is outlines the parental (un)documentation status and the developmental contexts of children (p. 18).  The author examines the impact on child development by looking at:

• Premigration factors as they impact undocumented status 
• Involvement with (or avoidance of) Legal and Illegal Authorities.  The legal authorities may be gatekeepers for publicly funded programs for which their citizen children may be eligible or labor regulators or even law enforcement for protection.  The illegal authorities might include smugglers, coyotes, etc.  
• Social ties and work.  The networks include grandparents and the presence of older adults/generations, the proportion of adult contacts who are undocumented and the social support available.  Work issues examined are wages, benefits and job duties.
• Home environment and parental involvement and child care (home or center and quality)
• Children's developmental trajectories for learning, cognitive development, social-emotional growth and health.

Through detailed descriptions of the lives of the seven families he highlights in the book he explains the differences and similarities these mothers, fathers and children have in growing up in the margins in New York City.  Each of the families have a number of co-ethnic adults in their lives but only the Dominicans have extended families who are very involved in the lives of their children.  The Mexican families co-exist in the same residence but often are not involved with the children or each other if they are not the actual parents and couple.  They share space, work different shifts, come home very tired each day after very long and underpaid work days.  The Chinese infants leave for China and the parents work crazy hours at subsistence wages to pay back loans for the cost of coming to the US.  

Yoshikawa presents data that compares not only the children in the small sample of seven but also data from the study of 380 children.  His conclusions are as follows:

• All of the parents studied deeply cared for their children and all were interested in helping their children learn.  The field workers found that parents with less resources had less toys, books, etc for their children than parents with more resources.  Previous work the author had done showed the impact of psychological distress and depression on parental behavior.  The group measured for that in this study and did find a small effect, more noticeable at 24 months than at 36 months.
• The overwhelming differences noted in cognitive development at three years of age between the children whose parents were documented and those whose parents were not documented were related to working conditions and whether or not the child went to center based child care.  To put this another way, poor working conditions (lower wage jobs and lower job autonomy), and the type of care the child experienced (home vs center care) made a difference in the cognitive development of the child and showed differences at 36 months of age.  The children of undocumented parents who were unable to access center based care and child care assistance because it required proof of identification scored significantly lower on test of cognitive skills than the children in the study whose parents earned more and who attended child care in centers with trained and certified staff.  

There are many details that I would love to share but at the risk of losing you in them I will say that having undocumented parents has a distant impact on children's cognitive and emotional development.  Not only do the children exist in settings that are less conducive to cognitive development and success in school, they can also suffer anxieties about their parent's lack of papers and/or be concerned about their parent being deported.  I witnessed such anxiety in two children of a woman we have had the pleasure to work with in our county.  I will never forget the faces of those boys as I was trying to hire their mother.  No one on our team knew the status of this mom.  It was an embarrassing and potentially threatening situation.  When I realized she did not the paperwork I needed to hire her I quickly assured her I would not tell anyone in authority.  Her boys were hanging on our every word and the looks on their faces told the story of fear and concern they had for their mother.  This was one of the experiences that led me to studying immigration and its impact on the family.

Time to go for today.

Practicing selfies to make Francisco happy about me taking his picture!

Thanks for reading!

Gifts of Grieving

I realize that my posting has become less frequent over the last month.  I know I have mentioned at least once that my own daughter, Kate Bronwyn, died suddenly.  She died from encephalitis that resulted from bacterial meningitis on May 12, 2002.  In 2002, the day she died was also Mother's Day.  That holiday has never been the same for me and with my own mother's failing health and the time to really grieve without distractions, I experienced a tidal wave of grief this year.   There is no rhyme or reason to the seasons of grief and I have learned over the years that certain times will always bring a mixture of sadness and memory to bear.  Anniversaries of birth and death and holidays seem to be the most potent because they are tied to so many cultural expectations.  I spent time just feeling what I needed to feel and moving through the feelings to the other side.  I visited the cemetery on the 12th, cleaned her marker and was grateful to be amongst the memorials for so many and the celebrations of life they represent.  I was really surprised and pleased to find a bench dedicated to a wonderful couple near Kate's space.  I feel like Jim is there with her in spirit.

It was no accident that I traveled to Portland to attend the Northwest Council on Family Relations annual conference.  I have served on the board for 3.5 years and it has been very rewarding. Our theme this year was Resiliency in Children and Families.  This conference featured presentations from Terry Cross, founder of the National Indian Child Welfare Association, who spoke eloquently on Culture as a Resource for Resilience: A Relational Worldview Perspective.  The conference also featured a two hour training by Jana and Heather from the Dougy Center for Grieving Children and Families on Grief at Any Age: A Developmental Look at Loss.  I was on the planning committee and knew that I could add to the program with my own experiences of grief and loss and my preference for experiential education.  I also knew that the conference bumped right up to my own time of loss and memory so I had to be ready and clear in my process.

I was really glad that I had chosen to stay within my own comfort zone of delving into the feelings and experience of grief and how those inform how we can be effective as educators and clinicians. The presentation from the Dougy Center team was mostly intellectual and filled our left brain with knowledge.  There was little time to touch our feelings outside of empathy for some of the stories and resources they shared.  I was especially touched by an excerpt from a French film, Ponette, that portrays a young child coping with her mother's death.   Terry Cross reminded us that each of us uses the filter of our culture and our relationships to understand the world.  The Relational World view that he presented works with balance and harmony as keys to understanding change and points of intersection with a cyclical view of being that includes mind, body, spirit and context.  The relational or cyclical worldview comes from the native or tribal wisdom.  I find this supported my own workshop the following day.

I believe that I need to experience the waves of grief as they come and to be present to the what arises in order to have my own harmony and balance restored.  Grief, like any good strong wave, can pull me way off balance.  I have realized that the first of my gifts is the ability to speak to my own grief and to allow others to look at theirs.  This has not always been easy for me but with the help of friends and family, therapy, nature, self-reflection, art, singing, worship and other healing arts (massage and acupuncture) I have survived and really thrived for the most part.

I did not get a complete count but I believe that about twenty-five people, all women, mostly young adults, attended my session.  I started by telling my own story and then we talked about all the types of loss that can trigger grief.  We then explored the ways into the grief process through the senses and explored how each sense has a component that resonates with someone.  I brought a quilt that a dear friend made from me eight years ago from some of Kate's clothes. The sense of touch and being wrapped in those fabrics never fails to bring me comfort and memory.  Some of the pieces of fabric are from clothes I made her and others from pieces my sister Betsy made for her.  I brought my Tibetan singing bowl to remind them of how potent sound can be and to remind them that sound is often the last sense to leave the dying person.  I have heard at least two people talk about singing to Pete Seeger as he lay dying.  We have Threshold Singers who sing to the dying on their journeys in our community.  One of our friends died last fall and the singers helped her a great deal.

There were many tears shed and shared and it was good to just let go in a safe place.  The only rule I started with was that there are no rules for grief.   We used my Gaian Tarot deck to trigger more conversation and memory.  My sister's dear friend designed and created the deck.   I use it in my own process and I selected cards that spoke to all sorts of grief experiences, ranging from joy to deep sorrow.  I had them pick a card that spoke to them and share if they wished how it spoke to them.  In our short time we had many wonderful stories, some of which were very sad.  At the end, we closed with a meditation drawn from the Buddhist tradition.  I combined some of Thich Naht Hahn's wisdom with a variation on a meditation on compassion I learned from studying the work of teacher and author Jack Kornfield.

I do not know the author but this bench lightened my day.  One of the amazing gifts the cemetery offered.

The biggest compliment I have received was from one of the graduate students with whom I have worked and known for several years.  She told me that this was the fourth year she had come to the conference and that this was the best workshop she had been to in the four years.  It was risky to do an experiential workshop on grief in the 60 minutes but it was just enough and I think we all came away richer for the experience.  I shared some of the gifts I had been given and learned and they shared their own.  I am incredibly grateful to do the work I do and to be allowed the time and space to turn my experience into something that can help others.

I will close today with a poem I wrote about grief while attending a workshop with Kim Stafford, poet and author.  It is titled Sister Grief Comes to Call.

Sister Grief Came to Call

Drew Betz, author

12/30/08

Sister Grief dropped in today.

I welcomed her with tears and questions.

What now? Why now?

She is capricious and yet not so  much in reality as in my mind.    

She surprised me today with a flood of tears and a gift of memory.

Kate and Edith danced in my heart.

Sister Grief called today and she stayed for awhile.

She remained after the tears had run their course

and lived in the warmth of my eyes.  She ruminated in

My heart about what I hold dear.

I let her guide me on the path and we danced together

to a song of our own creation. 

I love Sister Grief because she reminds me I am alive.  When she goes I

let her take my burden of grief.  It will always be hers to bear.

I share it when I may.

Sister Grief dropped in today and I welcomed her.

She doesn’t stay long these days.

I am grateful for her embrace and lighter as she leaves.

She will come again.

I will always make room for her because she is a friend.

Today's quote from Gratefulness.org is "Fragrance remains in the hand that gives the rose." Heda Bejar

May you be blessed today with your own gifts of grief and move into a day of great celebration and aliveness!  I will.

Thanks for reading.

Sacramento Food Bank and Family Services Visit

Creating programs based on the needs of the community is a wonderful strategy for successful outcomes.  I have seen many programs based on community need over the years.  Sometimes they are successful and sometimes they fail for a variety of reasons.  Sometimes the organizational structure is not strong enough to support the program, sometimes the personnel change and the new personnel are not a good fit for the service and sometimes the vision for service is linked to one dedicated individual who is not able to sustain the program.  

I found several examples of thriving non-profits on my travels.  Two I have already written about - No More Deaths in Tucson and The Bethlehem Center in Visalia.  I was delighted to visit the Sacramento Food Bank and Family Services Agency at their Oak Park Center on March 17th.  Mike and I were warmly greeted by Lorena Carranza, who is the Parent Education Program Manager at the Oak Park facility and the parent educator for the most of the classes delivered there.

Lorena Carranza
Sacramento Food Bank and Family Services

I was really happy that I took the time to visit this agency. Their mission statement reads: Sacramento Food Bank & Family Services (SFBFS) is dedicated to assisting those in need by alleviating their immediate pain and problems and moving them toward self-sufficiency and financial independence.  I encourage you to visit their website to learn more about the agency.  It was their website that caught my attention when I was searching for places that were offering parent education in Spanish in the Sacramento and Yolo County areas.  

The agency was started as a Food Bank by Father Daniel Madigan in 1976 in the basement of his Oak Park Church.  It is a 501 (c)(3) non-profit agency and is affiliated with the local Catholic Archdiocese in some way.  It was a revelation to me to see the deep connection between the Catholic Church and the Latino immigrant populations in California.  It should not have surprised me but it did.  What I know of Washington State and the communities in Western Washington that I have served over the years is that the church was not as responsive to early waves of immigrants.  Perhaps that is related to the more migratory stream that used to populate our agriculture industry.  I remember serving a community in SW Washington where there were two catholic sisters( nuns) who were community based working with Latinos and other faith communities were filling the gap.  All sorts of denominations were involved.  I was surprised at the time about what one of the sisters referred to as a crisis within the church that the Mexican immigrants were not being served and were basically being abandoned by the church.  Part of the lack of service was probably due to a shortage of Spanish speaking priests.  This was in the mid-1990's.  I still wonder if that is why we see so much religious diversity amongst our immigrant population or if that diversity is everywhere.  

Fr. Madigan was clearly a perceptive servant leader.  He noticed a number of single mothers in the food bank lines and began a Mother-Baby program in 1992.  Mothers could come to classes at the center.  If they attended at least one class a month, they would be eligible for a monthly distribution of diapers, clothing and formula.  There were 8 classes a month offered, all on the same topic, 4 in Spanish and 4 in English.  All were focused on caring for children from birth to 2 years. SFBFS found out people wanted more when they did focus groups in 2011.   They asked Spanish, Russian and English groups of parents what they wanted and why they were not drawing fathers.   All groups asked for more topics, and to extend the topics to cover children up to age 5.  SFBFS changed the name to Parent Education Classes and now offer specific workshops for fathers.

The bulletin board with all the classes/workshops listed.

Lorena had just finished teaching a stress management class in Spanish when we arrived.  It was one of 11 workshops that would be available that week.  Lorena shared with us that parents still earn points that they can trade for baby/child clothes, supplies and diapers when they attend classes.  I love the relevant incentives.  When parents come, all the children spend time in the well equipped and engaging nursery and preschool area.  One of the weekly offering is Story Time for parents and their little ones.  Lorena reported that about seventy percent of the parents who come to the center are Latino and of those a large majority are undocumented.  Lorena shared that SFBFS under the auspices of Catholic Charities of Sacramento is offering six workshops this spring on DAPA, the executive order that offers Deferred Action for Parental Arrivals.  Lorena reported that there was a great deal of hope and excitement in the community she serves and in her agency around DAPA.

Lorena gave us a tour of the Oak Park Center.  The building is lovely.  It holds space for children, youth and parents to learn together.  It houses afters school programs, a teaching garden, classrooms for English learning, computer classrooms for adults and youth, the clothing bank for the parenting program, administrative offices and early learning spaces.  I was really impressed by the comprehensive range of services that grew out of a church basement food bank.  

The garden space

I was even more impressed by Lorena and her poise and commitment.  She moved to Sacramento as a newly married young women from Monterrey, Mexico.  Her husband was offered a job because of his unique skills.  She did not know English when she arrived.  A twist of fate led her to learn what she called "hospital" English because of a condition with which her daughter was born.  Lorena spent a lot of time in and out of medical centers with her daughter during her early years.  When she was declared well, Lorena came to the SFBFS to enroll in English classes and she has stayed ever since. Her English is beautiful.  The agency is obviously part of her extended family.  She has been on staff for over seven years.  Lorena talked about the stress of moving to a different country and having to adapt without family nearby.  She teaches stress courses at the center.  I imagine she is amazing because she has learned how to overcome stress in her own life.  I believe this is an incredible gift to the families who come to the center and would be good for all of the families we want to serve.  My journey has made me so  much more aware of the trauma associated with immigration, especially for those who are undocumented.  Speaking with Lorena and Jose in Tucson also reminded me that stress, trauma and grief are also present for those who immigrate legally or who are born to immigrant parents.  This gives me much food for thought as I think about what to add to our lessons.

As Mike and I drove away felt deep gratitude for the gifts SFBFS was giving the community and for the gift of time and presence they gave me on my visit!

Thanks for reading!

Santa Cruz County Part Two

It is gorgeous today in Portal.  We are going up Cave Creek Canyon today with Barbara and will see amazing things - birds, wildlife, views that people come from around the world to see.  I am excited.

I wanted to give a second glimpse into what I saw and heard in Santa Cruz County.  Yesterday I focused on the issue of teens having children and the concerns and norms in the community around these young moms and their children.  Interestingly, no one spoke to the issues of the fathers of these children except Delia who said that the father of her grandchild has now impregnated a second young woman whose parents have delivered her and her belongings to his door.  A different reaction to Delia's.

I want to focus this post on some of the things that are going well in the programs offered by Santa Cruz Cooperative Extension (I do not have the time or space to document all of them).

Family Resource Centers

Darcy Dixon has done a superb job of securing partnerships and funding to support early childhood initiatives.  Arizona funds these programs through a tax on tobacco products.  The First Things First Initiative funds all three Family Resource Centers in Santa Cruz County.  Two of the centers are full centers and the third is a "part-time center" in a remote area of the county.  Each Resource Center is staffed in partnership with the school district and hosts a number of options for families with young children.  I visited the Rio Rico Family Resource Center and the Nogales Family Resource Center.  I saw two programs in action and had an opportunity to interview parents and staff at both centers.

Family Resource Center Logo, so bright and welcoming!

The first program I visited was the Strengthening Families Program for parents and 3-5 year old children.  It was held at night at the Rio Rico Center, just down the hill from where we were staying.  I spend some time interviewing staff and parents earlier in the afternoon and I will share some of those impressions later in this post.  Mike and I both went to the SFP program and were treated to a delicious taco dinner with the families.  We sat with Victor, his mom and baby sister.  Victor, aged 4, was very  happy to have his picture taken eating beans, his favorite food.  He was a pleasure to meet as was his mom and infant sister, Victoria.

Victor eating his beans!

We were part of the parents' program.  Thanks to Vanessa, Yada and the whole team who graciously allowed us to participate with the 13 parents who attended that night.  I added a little piece of parenting education in response to a parent who was concerned because time out did not work with her four year old.  I had the same experience with our son.  I highly recommend the book, Time In, When Time Out Doesn't Work by Jean Illsley Clarke. Sometimes, I just can't help myself.  I guess that is what comes of being involved in the parenting education field for so many years.

Rio Rico families at their SFP class

Some of the other programs the centers offer are Positive Discipline, Kinder Readiness, Play and Learn, Partners in Parent Education (PIPE), Strengthening Families and more.  They have two tracks, a parent support track and a child development track.  I was awed.  And more than a little envious.  I wish there were resources this comprehensive for the families in my community.  I think there are some but not to this extent.

I visited the PIPE class in Nogales the following day where I met with Arlene, Delia, Armida, teacher Maria and Darcy after the class ended.

Maria demonstrating how to be playful with toddlers!  Play and learn!

I spend time with parents and staff in Rio Rico talking about their experiences at the Center and what the successes are.  These are some of my summaries of the comments from that interview.

• It helped my second child have a healthier adjustment to Head Start.  
• My children are socialized and comfortable and he/she is able to separate easily from me when we are here.
• I have taken all the classes and I am waiting for more.

When I asked them about their hopes and dreams for their children they shared:

• I want my children to grow up to respect others, to earn respect and to respect and get an education.
• I want them to be healthy, productive members of society.
• My (older) son has role models in the community.  I want him to have deep roots here in Santa Cruz County and to have hopes and dreams here for his future (even if he leaves for college).  I want them to contribute to the community.

When I asked them to talk about their relationship to the community and the center parents and staff shared the following:

• They hope the programs continue.
• They like being relevant to community needs.
• They hope they are making a difference and will continue to do so.
• They notice the ripple effect - that what they are teaching and learning goes beyond themselves into the community.
• They enjoy having people come back for many of the programs.
• They parents know they can come for different resources. 
• SFP teaches a lot of life skills.

I asked both staff and parents and grandparents during my two days in Santa Cruz County what they would like to see added to the programming they already have.  More sessions, more time, both one on one and in groups, a second SFP (already 14 weeks long), more funds to do all the above were some of the answers that I received.  In addition, there were conversations at almost every stop about the need for sexuality education.

I am so grateful that I was able to travel from my border to another border and see the wealth of programs for families, all of which were delivered in either Spanish or a mix of Spanish and English. I have a new appreciation for family resource centers and for work that is being done through Cooperative Extension in Arizona.

Thanks for reading!

Preparing for the Journey

I recently met with some of our Whatcom Latino team and allies to find out what they would like to know from my trip and what questions they would like me to ask while I am visiting programs in the SW.  They also helped me focus on creating the questions that I want to use in my interviews and visits.

Front row left to right: Janae Hodge, Bellingham Schools, Christina Ortiz, Fortaleciendo Familias (FF) facilitator, Sylvia Mendoza, Nooksack Valley Schools, FF facilitator and FF coordinator, Isabel Meaker, Bellingham Schools and FF facilitator and recruiter extraordinaire.
Back row: Sharece Steinkamp, Bellingham Schools, Manuel Padilla, FF facilitator and fathering advocate.

Here are a few of the questions they came up with and I edited for the purpose of my interviews:

For program staff and allies:

How do parents and programs deal with the fear of deportation/detention?  What do think could be done that is not? 

How do you talk to kids about immigration and the risks associated with it?

How do you talk to parents about drugs, alcohol, sex?  Internet safety? Bullying?

How do you talk to youth about the above issues?

How do you involve fathers?  How do you make it more interesting for fathers?

What are some models that we can use to support kids and families where they are at?  How can we best bring families to the resources?

With which programs/agencies/schools etc  do you collaborate to reach the families?

What do you see as the key protective factors for early school years: 5-10 and how you are addressing them?

What are the results of your programs and how are you measuring them?

And here are a few of the questions I created for scholars:

Tell me about your research and what you are finding that would have implications for serving immigrant populations.

What are the key issues around immigration that you think need to be understood in order to be effective in a community based program with Latino families?

If you were asked to address a group of community professionals that may have limited knowledge of what recent Latino immigrants are experiencing, what topics would you speak to?  Can you give me an elevator speech version of your top two or three points?

And two last questions - these are for parents:

What are your dreams and wishes for your children and your family?

What is the biggest challenge for you?  For your children?

If you are reading this and you would like to comment on these questions or have one of your own, please let me know via e-mail or FB or some other channel.  I do not believe I have turned on the comment function on this blog.  You could always try.  

One of the greatest privileges of the sabbatical is having the time to think through and to pack not just material things for the journey but also the tools to make the learning experience as rich as possible.

Thanks for reading!